Beep Doot

Because I Am Just That Mean

2009-03-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

Zandra took this picture while trying to convince me to leave my blogging to go to the gym. It didn't really work and it earned her a spot on the blogging updates. This is what Zandra would look like if she died while watching ghost shows on TV with me. She says she wouldn't be happy but I think this picture proves otherwise. She looks thrilled!

A Sexy Water Show

2009-03-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

So a really good guy that used to be in my employ gave me tickets to see Le Reve. I haven't had the chance to see any shows here because they cost about twenty zillion dollars because they are trying to rip off the tourists. Le Reve tickets are normally $120 a person. Holy crap! This one was almost worth the money. Luckily I didn't have to pay. I took my roomies and
Mike with me and we had a blast!

Okay so this just my opinion but after being to the Wynn a few times and seeing the show there and seeing the waterfall thingy from the restaurant balcony, I have to say Steve Wynn has a thing for Vagina's. Now don't judge me for saying this but seriously. It's all about the creepy blooming flowers. Le Reve is a show about fantasy and dreams and the only part that seemed out of place for me was the mechanical flowers that bloomed at the climax (yeah I did that on purpose) of the show. Other than that the show rocked my socks off. Everyone was super sexy and athletic and amazing. They were diving from outrageous heights! The bald prince really did it for me. I would have totally picked him over the real world guy. Thats probably my real life problem, I'm always picking the dream prince over the real life guy. Look at that! A life altering epiphany from a Cirque show!

Kita, the new roomie, is still getting used to us and I don't think Mike and I did a lot to help this night. She got all dolled up and cute for the show and the first thing I said to her was "nice boobs" she laughed and it could have been okay if we had stopped then. It was kinda a running joke the whole night. She may not have minded that much. I'm still learning how to read her.

We walked around all the designer shops after the show and I almost cried. I love shoes so much! Its really a tragedy that I wasn't born rich and thin. I would have the best clothing and shoes in the world! Only Andrea truly understands my pain. She has actually witnessed my tears while shopping. Its sad and pathetic. We also saw a man with a mohawk feeling a womans legs. It was so odd that we thought maybe we had stumbled on a Kriss Angel magic trick or something.

We also valet parked. That was entertaining to see all these nice cars pull up and then see my filty beater car pull up. I was the party pooper who made us go home with out clubbing or any other fun. Yeah thats how I roll.

A Friggin Long Update So Hunker Down

2009-03-18T16:52:00.000-07:00

Okay so I suck at blogging. I suck at all forms of communication so this revelation should not be that big of a surprise to anyone that knows me. In case you are new to the Kristin experience, when you don't hear from me its because there is nothing going on. Its when you do hear from me that you should be worried. Except right now. This is just a catch up message.

So clear back to Novemberish. I think Thanksgiving time. I was in the process of moving as was my little sister Whitney. As part of that mess my parents stopped by my house for a few days and I took them to all the touristy fun that is the strip. The Bellagio always has a kinda garden display thing going on that corresponds to the season. I had been to this fall display about 4 times and yet I always missed this adorable little guy. It wasn't until my dad pointed out that it was like the tree Ents from Lord of the Rings that I noticed him. I really am oblivious sometimes.

We also went by the wax museum at The Venetian. Now we had no intention of going in because the only time I'm going to pay $30 bucks to see celebrities is if they are real and I get to take one home with me. We went to say hello to my friend Aimee. She is a gem and I love her guts. Being the amazing woman she is she hooked us up with comp tickets. My mom and I enjoyed this way more than my dad. I think he was a little embarrassed by us running from dummy to dummy laughing and taking pictures. My favorite by far is the one of my mom at the American Idol microphone. She looks horrified. I also like the Playboy Bunny photo because I'm secretly a porn star.

That same weekend I decided to paint my room a tasteful, pale, barely noticeable purple. I made this decision for a few reasons. I'm used to having colored walls. I had green at the last place and purple and gray before that. White just has an institutional feel to it, especially here where the fluorescent lighting adds to the ambiance. The main reason for painting though, this house was previously rented by a woman and her handicapable son. I have the sons room. I've worked with enough men to know what they do alone in there rooms. Needless to say a good scrubbing and a fresh coat of paint were bare minimum requirements to move anything I owned into that room.

I bought all the required items and painted two walls and part of the ceiling before leaving with my parents for the night. The next day I came over to finish up the painting and found that my walls were a very dark, very noticeable shade of blueish purple. I liked it. The problem was we didn't really ask the landlord if we could paint and I was pretty sure I couldn't mask the color unless I took all the light bulbs out of the room and blacked out the window. So back to the store to buy plain ole boring white paint. I recruited a few friends to help so it wouldn't be a big deal to paint. Well none of them showed and I had to paint the room like 3 times to get it back to normal. I never want to see a paintbrush again!

Alright skip ahead because I think I posted pictures and a little about Christmas and New Years. Both kinda sucked. Car problems, friend drama, me drama (Have I mentioned that I'm a mess sometimes?) anyways been there covered that.

I also went to Disney World for work during this break in the history. I'm not blogging the pics for two reasons. The first is that I don't have them on my computer. They are on my work computer. The second reason is that when I put the pictures on Facebook I was told that it was not appropriate because someone may recognize the individuals in the photos. My thought is so what if they recognize them but whatever. Really if I had the pics right now I would probably post a few. I may still post some of the ones of Keith and his multiplicity of hats. If you have facebook you can see the censored pictures on there. This picture is a cartoon rendering of what it might have looked like when I was in Florida.

So in January my roomie David was moving to Georgia for basic training (he joined the National Guard). We didn't always get along. We really really didn't get along but I still loved David. We were just two people who could not live together. The last few weeks he was here I think we both kinda realized that he was leaving and all our issues kinda faded away. It was back to the Nintendo playing, Forensic File marathon, and fire building fun times from before he moved in. Aimee decided to throw a going away party for David and seeing as we have a ginormous house perfect for parties we hosted the thing. It was supposed to be a surprise but no one told me that so I ruined it. He did a pretty good job faking it, I'm going to forgo the obvious joke here and move on. One of my favorite parts of the night is when we sent Sam out to get a cake and some candles and he showed up with candles that read 404 which he explained was the area code of the base in Georgia. What a nerd! It was pretty funny. That was also the day that I met Mike. Remember that name it may be pertinent later. We also had a new roommate at this point her name is Ankitha. She's pretty cool. She was studying for the bar exam and still seemed to tolerate all the parties we were having that month. The best part is now that she has finished the test we haven't had one house party. Man we are kinda A*# holes.

Hmm. What came next. Well Mike and I got along swimmingly and hung out quite a bit in the following week or two. It was a big deal for me if you know what was going on in my life at that point. Sorry to Zandra and Melissa who had to talk me through all the girly crap that was going on at that point. I'll pay it forward sometime. You'll see. Anywho, around this time Zandra was in a few bands and one of them was not treating her with the awe and idol worship that she deserved and we finally talked her into cutting ties. I dressed Zandra up like an oversized Barbie doll and did what I could to my ugly mug and we were on our way. It was really fun actually. We then went to a friends house and played rock band until we nearly passed out. I think I got home at like 5am or some crazy time.

I don't really remember what order this next one came in. I think it may have actually been before Zandra's final showdown with Hal but its all shifty. One Monday I lost my purse with all my credit cards and ID and money and girly purse items. I looked all over and called the restaurant that I had eaten lunch at. I was in a really crappy mood. Zandra and Mike picked me up from work and I was super mean to them about not wanting to go to FHE. It was actually really cute of Mike. He called and left me messages on my phone singing Journey and telling me it would all work out. I got my purse at the restaurant after I called them like 4 times, then they magically found it. It would saved us a lot of time if someone would have actually looked when I called the first three times or when I showed up and asked about it. Just saying. Then I got a phone call that the usual suspects were coming over to continue the karaoke from FHE. I wasn't really in the mood but once everyone got to the house it was way fun. It was live karaoke with bass, guitar, and tamborine. I have really awesome friends.

So Valentine's Day was somewhere in this time period but nothing to sneeze about so we'll just move on by. My birthday was also in there. How sad that I don't have a single picture from that. The day before my birthday I went bowling with Sam. It was our "official date" from when I purchased him at an FHE auction. It was fun. I really suck at bowling. Luckily Sam isn't that much better. He did show me China town so now I know where to get great Chinese food and a massage with a happy ending. You know what I love about Sam? I can always find something to talk about with him. Whether it be politics, education, TV, church, it really doesn't matter. I don't know if he enjoys it as much as I do. Sometimes I have no good reason for my opinion I just really feel strongly about somethings for no apparent reason. At midnight I called Mike and we drove around town looking for a place to get icecream. It was a good start to my birthday. I went out to eat with coworkers and then again later with my old roomies Melissa, Cindy, and Kirsten (I guess I technically lived with her). Sweet Melissa gave me a gift certificate to Designer Shoe Warehouse. It was the best present ever. I bought some sweet lavendar snake skin highheels. Don't mock because whatever you are picturing they are way better. I made my own cake and replaced the water with Dr. Pepper. Genius I tell you. The batter was delicious. The cake was pretty good as well. I really missed my Christy Duke birthday pie though.

I'm pretty okay with being 27. The only hump has been the news story on my birthday about a 27 year old man who found out he only had 24 hours to live. I was a little anxious till I made it to the 24 hour mark. I'm still alive so I'm going to go ahead and call it a coincidence. Just a reminder for my family... 27 is the age I vowed to make it to before I ever considered marriage, kids, or serious relationships. I would like to take this time to say that I have decided to move that age back to 32. That seems like a good time to grow up.

Hang in there I'm almost done with this never ending post. My last item is to mention that somewhere in here I went to Utah. The details are shady and I don't actually remember why I went. I did have lunch with sexy Lexie and her twinner Lindsay.

I just want you to know Lex that the guy from my ward that I want to hook you up with is named Nate Lee. I tried to covertly take a picture of him one week at church. While I was trying to turn the click sound off as well as the flash on my camera phone, I took a picture of my shoes. The sound was not off. The flash was not off. I started laughing and interrupted class. So needless to say I didn't get the pic for you. You'll just have to come down and see me so I can hook it up. Tell Linds and Les that I love them!

Okay so I lied. I have one more thing. I bought three fish to replace my beloved Zen. Here they are:There names in order from left to right: Penicillin, Syphilis, and Gonorrhea. Yeah I think thats a good ending point. Thats life for the last 5 months. I'll try to be better at posting from here on out.

Roomies

2009-01-07T21:55:00.001-08:00

I think any words I added to this picture would just take away from the hilarity of it. I love these two. We've had some ups and downs but all in all its been a fun ride.

Coughing up a Happy New Year!

2009-01-07T21:25:00.000-08:00

Since I spent Christmas in Cali I made a special trip to Utah for New Years. Unfortunately the day before I left I developed a nasty cold. I sounded horrible! I didn't feel that bad actually. Thank goodness for DayQuil and Sudafed 12 hr. I was planning on going on my own but last minute my good friend Sam was able to come with me.

It was a very eventful trip. Some of it was great some of it was kinda tough. I wouldn't change a thing about the trip though. Things happen for a reason. My problem is that I just don't have the patience to wait for the reason to show its face. It was so great to see Alice and Chris and Randizzle. I miss everyone so much.

New Years was pretty low key. Quick side note: Poor Dick Clark. That man is held together by duck tape! He's got to be nearly 200 years old now. Let the man retire! Any who, I love that Randi sang for us and that Chris ate ice while we were lighting fireworks. Thursday brought shopping trips and visits to the fam and Alice. All the friends loved Sam and he really clicked with Paul and Andrea. It was pretty cool. I really enjoyed the opportunity to go back to the Salt Lake temple. We got to see Elder Holland (I admit I was wrong. Sam knows what I mean). Love love love that place. That night and the following day were a little more tough. Details aren't necessary but that is where the faith comes in. (Zandra is sitting next to me and said "Tell your blog I said Hi!"). I tried to promise that things wouldn't change but I think that is somewhat unrealistic. Life changes. Every decision you made causes some sort of change. The real question is whether that change is for good or for bad.

I think no matter what happens it will be good. I have faith that God know what he is doing and I trust that he knows what I need more than I do. It seems like more of the same to me but I can't always see the end from the beginning. I'm not huge on resolutions but if I were I guess mine would all have to do with my personal and spiritual growth. I hope to have more patience and trust in God. I hope to daily improve on things like swearing, telling fiblets, and being over dramatic. I hope to be able to let down walls and let people into my life. I'm tired of holding things in and being alone. Its difficult to show that weakness and vulnerability but I think great things will come from admitting that I don't know all the answers and that I need help sometimes.

Sorry. This blog is really more for me than anyone else. I'll stop complaining now. Its been an interesting start and its going to be a great year!

More Christmas Photos

2009-01-07T21:22:00.001-08:00

Christmas in Cali

2009-01-06T18:53:00.000-08:00

Lets see. What were my favorite parts of Christmas? Well......
1. Teaching Gracie to say Dirty Pirate Hooker.
2. Getting caught trying to teach Gracie how to say Dirty Pirate Hooker.
3. The candle ceremony on Christmas Eve. The Pastor looked like a child molester. That was horrible. Hopefully no one reads this post.
4. Listening to Grace scream "Oh my Gah" after each present.
5. Watching Winnie the Pooh and Spongebob with Kobe.
6. Making Whibert laugh.
7. Walking 2 miles to go to Denny's in the middle of the night because the car broke down.
8. Having 5 days off work.
9. Coloring with Dianne while she told us about her deep penetrating love of Steven Segal.
10. Teaching Kobe how to give people wet willies.
Pretty much I'm the worst influence ever on children. If you need a babysitter let me know.

An Epic Post or Home Sickness. You Choose.

2008-12-17T19:51:00.000-08:00

I am giving fair warning that this post is going to a polluted train of thought that only I will follow and fully understand. I guess the fun will be in the interpretation.

I have spent a great deal of this week reflecting on my current situation. The main questions being "Why am I in Vegas?" and "What can I be doing different to realize the answer to the first?" As some of you know. I never really intended to move to Vegas when I came down for the interview. The idea of a free vacation was just to good to pass up. Then once I got here it just felt like I needed to stay. It's hard to explain. The question in my mind was never if I would be offered the job but how I would make it work when it was offered. Poor Andrea had to suffer through my "What if I do it? What if I move to Vegas?" the whole weekend. I would have punched me in the face. (Thank you for not punching me in the face.)

So I typed the first part of this blog about two weeks ago. Alot of things have happened since then. I'm still reflecting on my reasons for being in Vegas. I went to Utah recently and had a fantastic time with all my friends there. It really made me think about the time I had spent in Salt Lake versus my time here in Vegas. Also, I went to the University and I realized how much I wanted to go to Grad school. I was really kind of dumb to not do it in the first place. I think I have a lot of decisions to make right now. Some of my New Years resolutions involve retaking the GRE and looking at Grad schools. I downloaded all the stuff for LSU again. I wonder if I can just call and have them reactivate my previous application?

I looked at UNLV but I just didn't see anything that fit into my "plan" but then what the hell is my plan? I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have been thinking of getting a second bachelors in Chemistry or Biology and then going to grad school. I know I want to do something in Forensics so I probably should have originally gotten a degree in a hard science. I was just lazy.

So many other things are causing reflection right now. I'll try to keep everyone updated. I am working on a Christmas/New Year post and I've decided to borrow Andrea's idea of a 2008 wrap up and 2009 predictions blog. Something to look forward to.

Blogging in the Bathroom

2008-11-15T23:23:00.000-08:00

I just realized how the title of this blog could be misleading. I am sitting on the counter in the bathroom because that happens to be where my computer speakers were packed away and I just was to lazy to move them to the living room. I'm just jammin waiting for David to get off work so that we can trek out to Henderson to see Zandra play. I got all glammed up and then found out that I had no one to go with. Luckily I remembered that if I was patient David would want to go. I was thinking about a few things that really bug me today. Since I'm bored I thought I'd share.

1. It really bothers me when people try to use Jesus as a personal reference on their job applications or in their interviews. There are some rules of hiring that can't be broken and no finding Jesus story will change that. If you were in jail for molesting a child and then found Jesus, I still can't hire you! Plus I hear alot of stories and excuses and lies when people want something (ie: a job). How do I really know that you have changed. It's not like I can call and verify that reference.

2. I have mentioned this one before but I saw it again today so it's fresh. I hate it when people take pictures on the strip (or anywhere actually) and they try to make it look candid by looking off to the side somewhere. First of all.. What the hell are you looking at? and second no one thinks that you were candidly caught completely alone (because there is always some one there blocking people from walking by and causing a traffic jam on the strip) looking to heaven in front of the Bellagio. It makes me wanna jump into there photo with a creepy stalker side eye. You know the one I'm talking about right Andrea?

3. I hate it when I tell people about my blog or they find it and then I have to stop complaining about them or try to be covert enough that they won't catch on. I'm not that good at disguising crap.

4. I hate it when I don't get what I want. Which is pretty bratty of me. I understand. I'm kinda pouting right now because of this one though. I'd tell everyone more about it but #3 is stopping me.

5. Oh oh. One more. It really bothers me when people make me feel stupid because I am not stupid. The back story on this one is kinda detailed. I had a boyfriend who had a special talent for this. I didn't realize how destructive it was to my self esteem at the time. I decided after that relationship that I wouldn't let people have that much control over how I felt about myself. I'm sorta battling that with a new friend of mine right now. The thing is that I am a mess sometimes and I have my faults but for the most part I'm pretty friggin amazing! I have a strong testimony of church and am doing all I can to be better everyday. I'm pretty hot if I do say so myself. Improvements could be made but I'm more comfortable in my skin than most. I have a plan of how I would like to see my life go and I'm diligently working on seeing that plan become a reality. It really bothers me when someone makes me doubt these things or makes me feel less than I am.

Cheese and Rice. I have no patience. Why isn't anyone here to go to Fado's yet? I've blogged long enough for someone to be here. Bah!

So now that there is a group around it's too late to go to Fado's. Sorry Z. I love you anyways.

Halloween (Possibly Better than Christmas)

2008-11-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

It's hard to beat last years KAPS viewing party but this year involved much more attractive men so it's a close tie. Zandra was playing at a bar called Fado's Irish Pub (your welcome to Fado's for the free publicity) so I loaded up a few friends and headed down. Among the mix we had Minnie Mouse (me), Chip Lemue the 70's game show host (Sam Findley), Spanish Senorita (Bryn Davis), and a healing bruise (David Sanford). The music was awesome. Some of the costumes were skanky and I got a pretty hilarious strip tease from Chip. Then we headed to a party at a friends house. That was sorta anticlimatic after the club but the cops got called so it wasn't a complete bust. All in all it was a pretty fun night. Oh the cat in the one picture is Chip's sister Aimee. I brought the cat hat for her because I knew she would be all in black after teching for a show earlier in the day. She is a pretty amazing girl! Good times, good times.

Yeah I'm that lazy.....

2008-10-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

Whenever I do anything with Andrea I let her blog about it and then just steal her thunder and link to her hard work. I think she is more entertaining than me anyways. So here are the stolen highlights from her recent visit to Vegas (Click HERE).

Holy Ghost!

2008-10-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

So I went into work for a few minutes tonight to pick up some headphones I left in my desk. I needed them because apparently the music I listen to and my singing along is offensive to nameless roommates. Now they just have to listen to me sing with no music. They'll be sorry. Anywho, I swipe my card go in and turn off the alarm. I'm putting the key in the door and I hear "Hey!" over my right shoulder. Well of course I screamed for about a full minute and then I turned around to see who else was in the office on a Sunday night and its no one! There is not a soul there. I walked around a bit and was yelling out "Is anyone here?" to which there was no reply. In retrospect I'm glad there was no answer since there were no living people there. I probably would have wet myself if I heard a reply.

Just Another Day in the Looney Bin

2008-10-09T23:23:00.000-07:00

I called my nephew a few days ago to ask about his birthday and to see if he got the "fiver" I sent him to by trucks with. At the ripe old age of four he has mastered the art of sarcasm. I asked him what his cake looked like and he told me "It was square" and then handed the phone back to his mom. Makes me so proud (stifling a tear)!

Nothing much different than usual has been happening here. I have ever illness known to man. Which seems strange to some people but seems to be destiny here in Las Vegas. I also have re-injured my foot with about the same action as when I broke it the first time IE: absolutely nothing. The hardest part has been trying to eat, sleep, work, breathe through the pain while Utah and Nevada argued over who was going to pay for my doctors visit. The good news is I don't have to St. George to get it looked at... the bad news is that I still haven't had it looked at. Why is it that no one returns a freaking phone call here? Yeah I'm talking to you Desert Orthopaedic Center.

For a while I gave up on getting ready for anything. Which for some of you who know me well, happens sometimes. The last two days I have woken up a bit early to get ready for work. Today my efforts were finally recognized when Patrick told me "you look nice. You can't even see your zits today." Ah success.

Everyone who has ever heard me complain about TV should probably sit down right now. I started watching the first season of Heroes and I am totally converted. I will be naming my first born Mohinder Petrelli. This season is not as captivating. Mohinder is a molting cockroach/lizard/snake man and Peter has the "hunger" which I think is an affront to his extremely attractive good guy persona even if it is for the greater good of the show. However it turns out they are both kinda tarnished in my eyes. Kill the ugly people and give them weird flesh eating disease powers. I'm losing interest due to the lack of eye candy. Also I have to think too much. I like my TV dumbed down for ease and convenience. So I guess really I'm converted to Milo Ventimiglia and Sendhil Ramamurthy. Could those names BE any harder to say?

Only the people at work will appreciate this but I just looked up per diem in the dictionary and the first definition is: by the day or for each day. I can't believe that fool used the term correctly and that none of the rest of us knew it. It is generally used to describe being paid by the day or as an allowance but technically could be used in reference to working on a day by day basis. Well at least he's still and idiot for knocking up and old lady just to get a croch rocket motorcycle.

Hemorrhoids

2008-09-25T23:30:00.000-07:00

So my roommate Cindy had a wicked eye infection about a week or two ago and now I have an ear infection that is bringing literal tears to my eyes. We were talking about it in the hall way and my beautiful roomie Melissa said "eye infections, ear infections. What an I gonna get? Hemorrhoids?" I don't think I have laughed so hard since I got here. She told me I was absolutely not allowed to blog about that comment which made it all the more funny. Oh, I love her.

Hooking it on Fremont Street

2008-09-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

I had my first truly touristy night in Vegas last night. Zandra and I went down to Fremont Street. I've heard of Fremont but only in reference to prostitution so I have to admit I wasn't as excited as I could have been. It didn't get any better when Zandra gave me the "rules."
1. Do NOT make eye contact with anyone for any reason and
2. if for some reason you do make eye contact... walk away.

We walked around for about two hours. The first thing I want to mention is the multitude of mullets that I saw in that time. No two were the same. Which leads me to a few "rules" of my own. These are for anyone thinking of visiting Fremont Street or any other street for that matter:

1. Always Always Always wear a bra. No one wants to see your cleavage. Especially if its long enough to look like your chest has been split open from your belly button to your chin. Also if your boobs point so far east and west that the in between could be mistaken for the grand canyon a bra is your best friend.

2. This one is more for street performers: Holding one note for ten minutes is not difficult. Especially on a saxophone. Wow you can hold down a button for three minutes. I'm not impressed. I was more impressed when Zandra held the same note in the elevator for six floors. Now that is talent. A little variety please.

3. If you have been drinking it is not a good idea to try the following: Dancing, photography, singing, walking, talking, flirting. Especially not flirting.

4. Do not dress like a whore. There are enough whores in Vegas we don't need your help. It also makes number 1 and number 3 all the more relevant.

5. Bring water and don't wear cheap Wal*Mart flip flops.

Besides all the complete weirdos some pretty funny and entertaining things happened. First of all we parked in a parking garage that had a bridge that went over Ogden Blvd. I wanted to take a picture of Z and I with the neon in the background. As we were doing that a car drove over the bridge and made the whole thing shake. Z started yelling and jumped back. I though she had been hit by the car at first but she told me the spot that she was standing on moved in two directions and she thought the bridge was falling. You probably had to be there for that one but it was hilarious.

We watched a show with those big metal spheres where motorcycles go around and upside down. (Man that was a horrible description but I'm not sure what that thing is called). It was a lot smaller than I thought it was going to be and they had three motorcycles going in there at once. Man if one of them sneezed or blinked at the wrong time they all would have died. That is my aspiration for Vegas now. Everyone here wants to be in a band or make a CD. I want to ride motorcycles in metal cages.

There was a big sign off Fremont that said "wedding information" and pointed off to who knows where. Quick side note: How lame is that? I can't believe that eloping to Vegas is so popular that they have neon signs that lead you in the proper direction. I'm adding that to the list of things you should not do while drunk. Anyways, we walked down a kinda dark alley way which in hindsight wasn't the best idea, when three guys walked up and offered to take our picture so we could both be in it. This is when Zandra broke both rule 1 and 2. She gave them my camera and let them take the picture then instead of walking away she gave them her card and told them to come see her play (she's is a friggin talented violinist) the next day. Then the part that makes me smile, the man looks her in the eye and says "you are so hot" and goes in for the boob grab. Z reacted like a pro and told him "I don't know you!" After they left I reminded her of her own rules and we were on our way.

I saved the most glorious part for last. Towards the end of the street there is a booth where you can have your picture taken with Chip n' Dale dancers. There are no words to explain how hot these men were. I made Z pretend to watch some art show so I could stare at them. Finally I gave up all pretenses and stood there mouth open, drooling, staring at them. It really made me wish I had brought my wallet. I'm totally heading back there on payday! They let you grab their booties when you take a picture with them. Totally worth it.

Camping with Batman

2008-09-05T18:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not really in the mood for typing a long blog so here are the highlights that go with these pictures.

Kobe got a Batman mask at Walmart while we were buying camping supplies. He loved it so much he wore it pretty much the whole day. He even fell asleep in the car with it on.

We camped in Morgan in the middle of a cow turd field. We had plans to float the river but the weather had plans to rain. The weather won.

I got to share a tent with Kobe. He was a first time camper and super excited about that fact. When we got in our tent we made shadow puppets with the flashlight until he fell asleep and then I stayed up all night worrying about having our tent blow into the river or having a rogue band of cows attacking the tents in the middle of the night. The morning was beautiful and chilly. A nice change from Vegas where the average temperature at any time of day is 560 degrees.

Labor Day Mayhem

2008-09-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

I learned an important lesson over Labor day weekend. As soon as you have gap coverage on your car it becomes indestructible. Which is great if you love your car, is strangely annoying when you hate your car and owe way too much money on it. Every morning I wake up an pray that someone will run into my car (while I'm not in it). So I was in Utah over Labor day weekend driving from Ogden to Salt Lake and I see a car in the far right lane start to swerve erratically and veer way off onto the shoulder. It then over corrected and shot back towards the road. I was bracing myself for immanent death when the car was stopped by a series of traffic cones and a few signs. The signs didn't make it by the way (moment of silence). ... They were propelled into on coming traffic and the car in front of me hit them and veered off to the shoulder. Here comes the amazing part... It was inevitable that I would also hit the signs and the car that had just veered off but somehow I remained perfectly calm and swerved around them like a professional stunt driver and pulled off the road well ahead of the commotion. It was insane. The doucebag driver of the first car ended up being an insanely freaked out young woman with a child and two older ladies with her. A broken windshield was the only consequence of her spaz attack, well and I'm sure a wicked awesome traffic ticket. The car that hit the signs had a pretty bent up and scratched bumper but at least it didn't have another car embedded in the side of it.

Crap! I've been discovered.

2008-09-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

Two things recently came to my attention (well a lot of things have come to my attention lately but that is a wemu of a different color).

1. When I changed my profile background it deleted the Kristin's Almanac of random phrases. So disappointing! I'm trying to remember all the the nuggets I had on there. I thought of one just now and then it was gone as quickly as it came. Crap I just realized that all my side bars are gone! Stupid layout changes. I'm not even convinced I like this layout. I should change it now before I put everything back.

2. Patrick found my blog today. So the perception is reality debate has gone techno. How do you (Patrick) have time to be searching the Internet for the blogs of your lowly employees? Did you Google me to see if I was felon? Lucky for you my job hating melodramatic blog days are nearly at an end.

Well I have a few vacation blogs to post but I also have an amazingly powerful brain busting headache. So mom, you'll have to wait a few more days to steal my collage of camping pictures for your screen saver.

Sweet Freedom!

2008-08-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

I don't know exactly how to express a happy dance in writing but I want you to close your eyes and picture me standing in front of you and then all the sudden.... full on body seizure of excitement. This picture is no longer a lie. I have actually graduated from college. I didn't think I was gonna make it. That last paper was killer hard to get done but here we are! I haven't posted for awhile because I kept getting worried emails and phone calls from friends who feared I was on the brink of suicide. Apparently the deeply pessimistic mood of my posts was freaking people out. I decided to wait till I had some good news to report. Things have gotten much better at work. I think my boss has developed the idea that everytime I come into his office it's going to be because I'm on the verge of a meltdown. I don't blame him though that was pretty accurate for about a month. I'm working on reconditioning him to associate my visits with phenomenal news. Don't get me wrong. It's still pretty tough somedays but either I'm learning to deal with it or the Anti Anxiety meds are kicking in. Either way I'm doing just great. I'm excited to be more involved in things now that I'm not perpetually rushing home to do homework. I went to FHE for the first time today. It was gloriously boring and I loved every minute of it. The one thing still getting me down is that I miss all my babies! I called Kobe and left him a message the other day and he had his secretary (Whitney) call me back to tell me he was busy playing with toys and to call later. I just wanna hug them so much!

She's Alive!...... Barely

2008-07-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

So I have decided that I hate the phrase "perception is reality." That is bull shit! Reality is reality and settling for perception as reality is a defeatest attitude. Why do people get so caught up in what other people think about them? And for that matter, why the hell do you care what I'm doing anyways? If I hear one more person use that phrase as an excuse to do something that they otherwise have no grounds to do I will seriously go uni bomber on them. I wish I could go more into what is fueling this rant but with my luck someone I work with will find it and use it against me. So funny thing. When I lived a few miles away from my family I would go weeks and one time months without having contact with anyone. Mostly because I'm a jerk and mostly because I only talk to people when I'm in crisis mode (I'm really a hermit when I'm happy). I got a text from my sister today saying that my parents were wigging out that I hadn't talked to them in like 4 days. Really mom (because I know that your reading this)? I promise I'm alive. I just have absolutely no free time. I call you one day and talk to for like a million years and catch you up on everything or maybe I'll move back to Utah and live in your new house with you. Then you'll always know where I am. It would be nice if I knew a few priesthood holders here that weren't my boss or co-workers. Yes I have home teachers but they are weird. Mostly I could really use a hug.

Glorious!

2008-07-23T00:17:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna make it after all. I just finished my International Relations paper! I'd let you read it but trust me it's not as interesting a field as it sounds. This paper is an eight page snooze fest but my professor is going to love it. That's one hurdle down and 3 to go. Tomorrow marks my first official investigation in Las Vegas. Well technically its 3 investigations because apparently if you are going to neglect individuals needs its best done in groups. I'm a little nervous because a guy at a gas station got shot the other day after he fired an employee and I'm going to probably fire 4 people this week. I guess you gotta die sometime right? In addition to that I am determined to clean my office before our audit next week. I doubt they are going to do a Mary Poppins white glove check but I like to make a good first impression and all the big whig Utah bosses will be here in addition to the state. I'm not gonna lie that I'm not that motivated to get the other things done for the audit. They have already warned us that we are going to fail. What an amazing motivator (dripping with sarcasm)! All I need now is to finish my Violence paper from last semester (yes DJ, the one on Hitler that I was working on when you saw me last) and I'll be ready to conquer the world. By the way next week is Shark Week on the Discovery Channel so there is no way that next week won't be the best week of my life. Keep watching for all my shark related posts.

Preview

2008-07-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

I am taking a small break from school work to let you know about some posts I am working on perfecting:

1. Everyone here hates me

2. Re-tooling the acid bath mixture

3. I need a new job

Yes I realize these are all gloriously pessimistic but it's been a hard week and the next two aren't looking that promising. Oh I forgot the 4th post:

4. Flunking out of college at the last minute

They'll Grow Up Without Me!

2008-07-13T22:35:00.000-07:00

I just realized the crappiest part of moving to Vegas (although the decision as a whole has been a good one) all my babies are going to grow up without me! I came to Utah for the weekend to take a test and we decided to have family get together because I didn't get to see everyone before I left. My favorite part of the day was when my dad took me to look at their new town house and he called the bathroom a bastard (This is the first bastard.. I mean bathroom).

Alone

2008-07-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

So I saw this poster on despair.com in the demotivator section, it said you are not alone and yet you are alone, so very alone. I always thought that was funny and ironic and now I know what that means. I just had my first official dinner group with some of the members of my new ward. I liked it we had fun but I didn't really know these people and we were making the what do you do small chat that is standard. It's good to start getting to know people but it's also a little lonely when you are coming from a close knit group of amazing people. So I was feeling a little "home" sick for the gang in Salt Lake so I decided to chat them all up. I sent messages to like 8 people and not a soul replied. Sad day. Actually one did reply to remind me that now that I live in Vegas it's very easy to forget about me. So I'm sitting in my room, alone, and blogging trying to figure out why my roommates go to bed at 9pm and wishing I had a familiar face to cuddle and talk about how freaked out I am to go to work tomorrow. I guess I"ll snuggle facebook instead.

What Happens in Vegas...

2008-06-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

Okay quickly.. this comment is to DJ. This is called a blog. It's like an online journal that people can read. It's not really like a personalized myspace or facebook or anything like that but you can still comment by clicking on the comment link at the bottom of the post.

So I moved to Vegas this weekend. It was a pretty uneventful truck ride. Driving the Uhaul was not the ordeal I thought it would be. I did not die. (Andrea the code phrase is: ham fried rice, not really but It's me). The exit that Google maps told me to take was closed and my phone died so I got pretty lost. Due to luck or fate I finally pulled over at a Popeye's chicken and plugged in my phone and found out that I was right across the street from my house. I got there at the exact same time as my hired movers so we took a tour of it together. They were convinced I was insane for moving into a house I had never seen. I hit the jackpot though. It is amazingly cute and I love my room and my roommates for that matter. It looks like a model home for IKEA which I love. The only disappointment is that my bookshelf would not fit up the stairs. I'm still considering taking it apart and putting it back together in my room. (Also, I decided that the worst job in the world would be a mover in Las Vegas).

So a little about the girls I'm living with: Amber is my skinny twin. She is finishing up a degree in Sociology and wants to go to grad school. She co-majored in Criminal Justice. Her dream job is to work for the FBI and she loves to watch Forensic Files and City Confidential on Court TV. She wears size ten shoes and said I could borrow them at anytime. Melissa is a teacher. We haven't talked enough to find our combined loves. Actually we did find out that we attended the same Creed concert in Salt Lake. Zandra (she actually works with me but does not live with me) is in our ward she is amazing and she made me curry chicken and told me all the ward gossip today. We decided to have dinner every Sunday and invite boys. We are doing it next Sunday and we already invited some boys. She also wears the same size shoes as me and promised to show me where the nearest DSW (designer shoe warehouse) is.

Okay so about the ward. It was a little strange. There are two relief societies. I am in the meadow lark relief society. I have no idea how they assign people to each one. Also, there is a nursery and a primary in the ward but sacrament meeting was still amazingly silent. It was a somber mood at church this week because the second counselors wife had passed away a few days before. At the new member meeting I met two roomies who called themselves heterosexual life partners. Since I too have a life partner (you know who you are) I instantly fell in love with them both.

I'm feeling pretty confident about this move now. My only lingering worry is how the transition from hourly pay to salary is going to go. I'm afraid I won't get a paycheck for three weeks which would seriously suck.

Writers Block

2008-06-26T02:06:00.000-07:00

I am warning you right now, this post is going to be boring as hell. It is 3 am and I am still writing my international relations paper. Well actually I'm blogging about writing my international relations paper. I'm so close to being done that it hurts and I'm spent. I can't finish the thing for the life of me. It's a nice parallel with my school career in general. I'm so close to the finish line and I'm the guy who stops to re-tie his laces. I think the problem is that a few semesters back I procrastinated writing all my final papers and I ended up halfing to write like 60 pages in one night. It put me off to ever writing another paper. I guess the positive is that I learned that I never want to write a book. Since then I can't write even a two page paper without having an emotional melt down. I have five agonizing pages done and about two more to go. Hopefully I'll die in my sleep tonight and I'll never half to write a paper again.