Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Because I Am Just That Mean

Zandra took this picture while trying to convince me to leave my blogging to go to the gym. It didn't really work and it earned her a spot on the blogging updates. This is what Zandra would look like if she died while watching ghost shows on TV with me. She says she wouldn't be happy but I think this picture proves otherwise. She looks thrilled!

A Sexy Water Show

So a really good guy that used to be in my employ gave me tickets to see Le Reve. I haven't had the chance to see any shows here because they cost about twenty zillion dollars because they are trying to rip off the tourists. Le Reve tickets are normally $120 a person. Holy crap! This one was almost worth the money. Luckily I didn't have to pay. I took my roomies and
Mike with me and we had a blast!

Okay so this just my opinion but after being to the Wynn a few times and seeing the show there and seeing the waterfall thingy from the restaurant balcony, I have to say Steve Wynn has a thing for Vagina's. Now don't judge me for saying this but seriously. It's all about the creepy blooming flowers. Le Reve is a show about fantasy and dreams and the only part that seemed out of place for me was the mechanical flowers that bloomed at the climax (yeah I did that on purpose) of the show. Other than that the show rocked my socks off. Everyone was super sexy and athletic and amazing. They were diving from outrageous heights! The bald prince really did it for me. I would have totally picked him over the real world guy. Thats probably my real life problem, I'm always picking the dream prince over the real life guy. Look at that! A life altering epiphany from a Cirque show!

Kita, the new roomie, is still getting used to us and I don't think Mike and I did a lot to help this night. She got all dolled up and cute for the show and the first thing I said to her was "nice boobs" she laughed and it could have been okay if we had stopped then. It was kinda a running joke the whole night. She may not have minded that much. I'm still learning how to read her.

We walked around all the designer shops after the show and I almost cried. I love shoes so much! Its really a tragedy that I wasn't born rich and thin. I would have the best clothing and shoes in the world! Only Andrea truly understands my pain. She has actually witnessed my tears while shopping. Its sad and pathetic. We also saw a man with a mohawk feeling a womans legs. It was so odd that we thought maybe we had stumbled on a Kriss Angel magic trick or something.

We also valet parked. That was entertaining to see all these nice cars pull up and then see my filty beater car pull up. I was the party pooper who made us go home with out clubbing or any other fun. Yeah thats how I roll.

A Friggin Long Update So Hunker Down

Okay so I suck at blogging. I suck at all forms of communication so this revelation should not be that big of a surprise to anyone that knows me. In case you are new to the Kristin experience, when you don't hear from me its because there is nothing going on. Its when you do hear from me that you should be worried. Except right now. This is just a catch up message.

So clear back to Novemberish. I think Thanksgiving time. I was in the process of moving as was my little sister Whitney. As part of that mess my parents stopped by my house for a few days and I took them to all the touristy fun that is the strip. The Bellagio always has a kinda garden display thing going on that corresponds to the season. I had been to this fall display about 4 times and yet I always missed this adorable little guy. It wasn't until my dad pointed out that it was like the tree Ents from Lord of the Rings that I noticed him. I really am oblivious sometimes.

We also went by the wax museum at The Venetian. Now we had no intention of going in because the only time I'm going to pay $30 bucks to see celebrities is if they are real and I get to take one home with me. We went to say hello to my friend Aimee. She is a gem and I love her guts. Being the amazing woman she is she hooked us up with comp tickets. My mom and I enjoyed this way more than my dad. I think he was a little embarrassed by us running from dummy to dummy laughing and taking pictures. My favorite by far is the one of my mom at the American Idol microphone. She looks horrified. I also like the Playboy Bunny photo because I'm secretly a porn star.

That same weekend I decided to paint my room a tasteful, pale, barely noticeable purple. I made this decision for a few reasons. I'm used to having colored walls. I had green at the last place and purple and gray before that. White just has an institutional feel to it, especially here where the fluorescent lighting adds to the ambiance. The main reason for painting though, this house was previously rented by a woman and her handicapable son. I have the sons room. I've worked with enough men to know what they do alone in there rooms. Needless to say a good scrubbing and a fresh coat of paint were bare minimum requirements to move anything I owned into that room.

I bought all the required items and painted two walls and part of the ceiling before leaving with my parents for the night. The next day I came over to finish up the painting and found that my walls were a very dark, very noticeable shade of blueish purple. I liked it. The problem was we didn't really ask the landlord if we could paint and I was pretty sure I couldn't mask the color unless I took all the light bulbs out of the room and blacked out the window. So back to the store to buy plain ole boring white paint. I recruited a few friends to help so it wouldn't be a big deal to paint. Well none of them showed and I had to paint the room like 3 times to get it back to normal. I never want to see a paintbrush again!

Alright skip ahead because I think I posted pictures and a little about Christmas and New Years. Both kinda sucked. Car problems, friend drama, me drama (Have I mentioned that I'm a mess sometimes?) anyways been there covered that.

I also went to Disney World for work during this break in the history. I'm not blogging the pics for two reasons. The first is that I don't have them on my computer. They are on my work computer. The second reason is that when I put the pictures on Facebook I was told that it was not appropriate because someone may recognize the individuals in the photos. My thought is so what if they recognize them but whatever. Really if I had the pics right now I would probably post a few. I may still post some of the ones of Keith and his multiplicity of hats. If you have facebook you can see the censored pictures on there. This picture is a cartoon rendering of what it might have looked like when I was in Florida.

So in January my roomie David was moving to Georgia for basic training (he joined the National Guard). We didn't always get along. We really really didn't get along but I still loved David. We were just two people who could not live together. The last few weeks he was here I think we both kinda realized that he was leaving and all our issues kinda faded away. It was back to the Nintendo playing, Forensic File marathon, and fire building fun times from before he moved in. Aimee decided to throw a going away party for David and seeing as we have a ginormous house perfect for parties we hosted the thing. It was supposed to be a surprise but no one told me that so I ruined it. He did a pretty good job faking it, I'm going to forgo the obvious joke here and move on. One of my favorite parts of the night is when we sent Sam out to get a cake and some candles and he showed up with candles that read 404 which he explained was the area code of the base in Georgia. What a nerd! It was pretty funny. That was also the day that I met Mike. Remember that name it may be pertinent later. We also had a new roommate at this point her name is Ankitha. She's pretty cool. She was studying for the bar exam and still seemed to tolerate all the parties we were having that month. The best part is now that she has finished the test we haven't had one house party. Man we are kinda A*# holes.

Hmm. What came next. Well Mike and I got along swimmingly and hung out quite a bit in the following week or two. It was a big deal for me if you know what was going on in my life at that point. Sorry to Zandra and Melissa who had to talk me through all the girly crap that was going on at that point. I'll pay it forward sometime. You'll see. Anywho, around this time Zandra was in a few bands and one of them was not treating her with the awe and idol worship that she deserved and we finally talked her into cutting ties. I dressed Zandra up like an oversized Barbie doll and did what I could to my ugly mug and we were on our way. It was really fun actually. We then went to a friends house and played rock band until we nearly passed out. I think I got home at like 5am or some crazy time.

I don't really remember what order this next one came in. I think it may have actually been before Zandra's final showdown with Hal but its all shifty. One Monday I lost my purse with all my credit cards and ID and money and girly purse items. I looked all over and called the restaurant that I had eaten lunch at. I was in a really crappy mood. Zandra and Mike picked me up from work and I was super mean to them about not wanting to go to FHE. It was actually really cute of Mike. He called and left me messages on my phone singing Journey and telling me it would all work out. I got my purse at the restaurant after I called them like 4 times, then they magically found it. It would saved us a lot of time if someone would have actually looked when I called the first three times or when I showed up and asked about it. Just saying. Then I got a phone call that the usual suspects were coming over to continue the karaoke from FHE. I wasn't really in the mood but once everyone got to the house it was way fun. It was live karaoke with bass, guitar, and tamborine. I have really awesome friends.

So Valentine's Day was somewhere in this time period but nothing to sneeze about so we'll just move on by. My birthday was also in there. How sad that I don't have a single picture from that. The day before my birthday I went bowling with Sam. It was our "official date" from when I purchased him at an FHE auction. It was fun. I really suck at bowling. Luckily Sam isn't that much better. He did show me China town so now I know where to get great Chinese food and a massage with a happy ending. You know what I love about Sam? I can always find something to talk about with him. Whether it be politics, education, TV, church, it really doesn't matter. I don't know if he enjoys it as much as I do. Sometimes I have no good reason for my opinion I just really feel strongly about somethings for no apparent reason. At midnight I called Mike and we drove around town looking for a place to get icecream. It was a good start to my birthday. I went out to eat with coworkers and then again later with my old roomies Melissa, Cindy, and Kirsten (I guess I technically lived with her). Sweet Melissa gave me a gift certificate to Designer Shoe Warehouse. It was the best present ever. I bought some sweet lavendar snake skin highheels. Don't mock because whatever you are picturing they are way better. I made my own cake and replaced the water with Dr. Pepper. Genius I tell you. The batter was delicious. The cake was pretty good as well. I really missed my Christy Duke birthday pie though.

I'm pretty okay with being 27. The only hump has been the news story on my birthday about a 27 year old man who found out he only had 24 hours to live. I was a little anxious till I made it to the 24 hour mark. I'm still alive so I'm going to go ahead and call it a coincidence. Just a reminder for my family... 27 is the age I vowed to make it to before I ever considered marriage, kids, or serious relationships. I would like to take this time to say that I have decided to move that age back to 32. That seems like a good time to grow up.

Hang in there I'm almost done with this never ending post. My last item is to mention that somewhere in here I went to Utah. The details are shady and I don't actually remember why I went. I did have lunch with sexy Lexie and her twinner Lindsay.

I just want you to know Lex that the guy from my ward that I want to hook you up with is named Nate Lee. I tried to covertly take a picture of him one week at church. While I was trying to turn the click sound off as well as the flash on my camera phone, I took a picture of my shoes. The sound was not off. The flash was not off. I started laughing and interrupted class. So needless to say I didn't get the pic for you. You'll just have to come down and see me so I can hook it up. Tell Linds and Les that I love them!

Okay so I lied. I have one more thing. I bought three fish to replace my beloved Zen. Here they are:There names in order from left to right: Penicillin, Syphilis, and Gonorrhea. Yeah I think thats a good ending point. Thats life for the last 5 months. I'll try to be better at posting from here on out.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


I think any words I added to this picture would just take away from the hilarity of it. I love these two. We've had some ups and downs but all in all its been a fun ride.

Coughing up a Happy New Year!

Since I spent Christmas in Cali I made a special trip to Utah for New Years. Unfortunately the day before I left I developed a nasty cold. I sounded horrible! I didn't feel that bad actually. Thank goodness for DayQuil and Sudafed 12 hr. I was planning on going on my own but last minute my good friend Sam was able to come with me.

It was a very eventful trip. Some of it was great some of it was kinda tough. I wouldn't change a thing about the trip though. Things happen for a reason. My problem is that I just don't have the patience to wait for the reason to show its face. It was so great to see Alice and Chris and Randizzle. I miss everyone so much.

New Years was pretty low key. Quick side note: Poor Dick Clark. That man is held together by duck tape! He's got to be nearly 200 years old now. Let the man retire! Any who, I love that Randi sang for us and that Chris ate ice while we were lighting fireworks. Thursday brought shopping trips and visits to the fam and Alice. All the friends loved Sam and he really clicked with Paul and Andrea. It was pretty cool. I really enjoyed the opportunity to go back to the Salt Lake temple. We got to see Elder Holland (I admit I was wrong. Sam knows what I mean). Love love love that place. That night and the following day were a little more tough. Details aren't necessary but that is where the faith comes in. (Zandra is sitting next to me and said "Tell your blog I said Hi!"). I tried to promise that things wouldn't change but I think that is somewhat unrealistic. Life changes. Every decision you made causes some sort of change. The real question is whether that change is for good or for bad.

I think no matter what happens it will be good. I have faith that God know what he is doing and I trust that he knows what I need more than I do. It seems like more of the same to me but I can't always see the end from the beginning. I'm not huge on resolutions but if I were I guess mine would all have to do with my personal and spiritual growth. I hope to have more patience and trust in God. I hope to daily improve on things like swearing, telling fiblets, and being over dramatic. I hope to be able to let down walls and let people into my life. I'm tired of holding things in and being alone. Its difficult to show that weakness and vulnerability but I think great things will come from admitting that I don't know all the answers and that I need help sometimes.

Sorry. This blog is really more for me than anyone else. I'll stop complaining now. Its been an interesting start and its going to be a great year!

More Christmas Photos

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Christmas in Cali

Lets see. What were my favorite parts of Christmas? Well......
1. Teaching Gracie to say Dirty Pirate Hooker.
2. Getting caught trying to teach Gracie how to say Dirty Pirate Hooker.
3. The candle ceremony on Christmas Eve. The Pastor looked like a child molester. That was horrible. Hopefully no one reads this post.
4. Listening to Grace scream "Oh my Gah" after each present.
5. Watching Winnie the Pooh and Spongebob with Kobe.
6. Making Whibert laugh.
7. Walking 2 miles to go to Denny's in the middle of the night because the car broke down.
8. Having 5 days off work.
9. Coloring with Dianne while she told us about her deep penetrating love of Steven Segal.
10. Teaching Kobe how to give people wet willies.
Pretty much I'm the worst influence ever on children. If you need a babysitter let me know.